Today is a day where i'm all mixed up.

Part of me wants to cry because it feels like nothing is going right, then part of me just sits in a fog.

Life without my precious baby girl is hard, unforgiving and lonely. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think about Tanalee. Lately things role in and out of my life, much of which I didn't know was even there.

Savannah my lil puppy is growing and is a real funny to watch. She's a ball of energy that never quits unless its her idea. Its days that I spend doing nothing but hang out with her and think, "how in the world did things end up like this?"

Jeremy is working on school and doing well at his job at Metro. I'm so proud of his hard work and I would love to through him a huge party when all this school stuff is done.

Today is an exciting day, I am going to get my measurements for a bridesmaids dress that I will wear in my good friends wedding in January. The gown for what I remember it for is champagne in color and a fitted to waist gown. Very elegant and sassy. I need to go get some heels for it because I will be walking with a rather tall groomsmen. I'm excited because this day is something my friend and I have been talking about for years, actually since we were just kids. Now the day is approaching and this is my first time as a bridesmaid and its with one of by best buds. Funny that I was a bride before a bridesmaid.

I find that since my baby girl passed away I am all over the place with my emotions and what I choose to do. I'm currently looking for a job since the one I was hired for just didn't pan out. This is frustrating since I hate the process of job searching and interviews just suck. I'm hoping I will find one soon that will stick since I'm not thrilled with searching in the first place.

until next time...