All over the place

Okay...Sorry about not blogging in a while. I just have nothing to really talk about.

Jeremy and I are still waiting on genetic tests to come back. In the mean time I have been going crazy! I for what ever reason have become obsessed with wanting answers back from genetics because I want to have another baby. We obviously don't know if we can have anymore children safely so I'm going stir crazy waiting for those tests! I know it will probably be at least another year before we can even try to get pregnant and that is hard enough.

With Jeremy in school and trying to keep him focused so that he can get through paramedics I really don't think a baby in the picture or rather me pregnant again would help our situation. I have been searching for work but I'm beginning to think society thinks I'm a basket case and refuses to hire me until I'm "normal".

What defines "normal" anyway? I am living a new normal, but I don't feel that I've changed except that part of my heart and life was torn away from me???...Okay...normal...yes I would consider myself normal for what I can be.

As always I think about my sweet TanaLee. I have been trying to work out that blanket idea but I'm not sure how good of help JoAnn fabrics manager will be for me since I need cotton not fleece. OHSU nicu says they can't except fleece...what? Well I want to donate the blankets so I may have to settle not making all 40 babies a blanket.

Okay I actually want to share scriptures of hope for those of you who read the bible..

1. You say, "I am loaded down."- Jehovah says, "I will refresh you."( Matthew 11:28-30)

2. You say, "I can't go on".-Jehovah says, "I will give you the power beyond what is normal." (2 Corinthians 4:7)

3. You say, "I cry a lot."- Jehovah says, "Your tears are precious and are kept in my skin bottle." (Psalms 56:8)

4. You say, " I feel abandoned."- Jehovah says," I will never forsake you." (Hebrews 13:5)

Yep, that would be what is in my thoughts lately. I have just been waiting, searching, listening, creating, and talking it up with people. By the way if you want to leave comments okay by me, just please don't leave cruel comments about my daughter or myself as a mother. I appreciate hearing about your stories or just meeting people who understand what I'm going through. I love blogs that open the door to worlds not talked about...preemies, infant loss ect. They help me and many others cope and grow stronger for what we lost or gained. Those of you that read mine, THANK YOU!! I hope I give you feelings of sanity and make you laugh in my craziness. I hope I give you hope that even through great trials and sorrow there is hope in the future and bright smiles in the end. TanaLee would want you to know this...I am strong because she was strong...I am strong because of my faith in God's word-(1 peter 5:10)