(My little girl so tiny but strong)
(All Ready to go to the Nicu)
Today Jeremy and I went to OHSU were TanaLee was born. I was shaking uncontrollably as we neared the entrance because it had been eight months the last time I walked through those doors.
The last time was with TanaLee close by but breathing. The last time I was scared but hopeful. This time I was scared and grief stricken. We walked into the Nicu and there was the first familiar face- Malissa the charge nurse/ Receptionist. She invited us into the Nicu to talk and see other faces we hadn't seen in a while. (This meant the world to me.)
Next was a moment I found hard to bare, I saw our dear nurse Megan who worked with TanaLee for over four months of her life. She burst into tears and embraced me into her arms. I was sobbing like a teenager. We saw a longtime doctor that worked with TanaLee as well as a few other nurses. I was sad that we didn't get to see more people but the hospital Nicu had low census. They didn't have many babies right now either.
We shared some pictures with everyone and explained what we wanted done with the blankets.
( Give each baby a blanket on isolete or at bedside and to give larger blankets to sicker babies.) We also talked about TanaLee's final days. That part was hard, we all cried whenI talked about that.
So tonight my heart hangs heavier with sorrow but hopefully tomorrow I can pick up my broken heart and try to function. Please leave a comment if you read this, I need encouragement. Thank you.
4 comments:
I think of you often,Felicia, and hope you are able to find some comfort and peace.
I love the project you were able to do, to help other parents of NICU babies. All the babies are perfect, aren't they.
how beautiful and strong a person you must be to bring these goodies back to the NICU. while we collect items for our daughter's hospital, I have never been brave enough to go back there and deliver them myself. I think it is awesome what you have done.
I wanted to say, too, that I see on your ticker it has been 5 months since saying goodbye. I remember the first 9 months were the hardest for me, so I encourage you to just keep breathing, and to be kind to yourself. It is really all you can do to get through these roughest early months.
Sending you prayers for peace in your heart.
Hey girlie, I wanted to take a moment to say I am very proud of the strength you and my brother have shown through the last year. I used to think that I was strong by my ability to hold back my tears through life. I've learned since TanaLee passed though that it's the ability to cry and expose your pain, even when it leaves you feeling open and vulnerable, that shows true strength. I'm still working on that one. I am sorry that I couldn't help more with the baby blankets; I'm not ready for that quite yet. But they turned out beautiful!
XOXO – Mindy
Im a new follower and wanted to say that I just caught up on your story. Im so sorry about the loss of your daughter. I think this post is just beautiful and Im so glad that your generous donation will go to those who really need it. Its just beautiful!
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