First year

November 13, 2009- The day TanaLee was born. Today marks the first year....Today marks the first anniversary...without her. She lived for 7 months and 3 days, longer then even I imagined because as you see in the photo she was a micro preemie. Only 1 lbs 4oz, She proved to be a rock even in her tiny body. So fragile but so strong...Doctors told me that had an adult went through all that she had gone through in seven months they wouldn't have lasted a fraction of what she did. I'm taken by awe in her beauty and captured by grief of her loss.

When those tiny fingers curl

so sweetly around your own,

You'll feel some of the deepest joy

that you've ever known

Because it doesn't take so long

to understand how much

your life can be transformed

by a baby girls touch

-author unknown

This is one of many posts I will make today to jot down what I will feel today. What do I call myself? How did this happen? For what happened, was in the moment and felt so long. Always another hill to the roller coaster to a baby that should have been born full term. This wasn't supposed to happen...why? It is so agonizing to feel empty now. I wish things could have been different. I wanted this day to be happy, she made it passed all preemie issues...right? Isn't that what I should be saying?

No, my baby was strong she lived longer then expected...but she is still gone. The emptiness in my heart is still there and my hope and faith still alive. One day I hope to reunite with my little ladybug. One day....