***As a disclaimer this post is very personal and I would appreciate the utmost respect in your comments regarding this especially. Also For those who wouldn't want to read about TTC news then you should turn away from this particular post. For those who know me...I am not pregnant. This post is about the challenges of TTC and how I'm doing emotionally...a new roller-coaster.***
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As many of you know now, J and I are currently TTC. I initially thought," No how could I? That would be like replacing TanaLee." Well I beat the forecast that said "tears for forever-non stop." I've gotten to a point in my grief that I don't see TTC as replacing TanaLee. Its not. Hubs and I have always said we wanted more than one child. So now the forecast has slight showers but glimpses of sun from time to time. Or in other words...We hold HOPE.
Well here we are TTC #4 and its grueling. (now I know from a distance how you ladies going through IVF feel.) I felt like it was so easy to get TanaLee but this time around it feels like its taking forever. I thought it would happen with #1 try since I am still "young". Well life has other plans. I've been using ovulation predictor tests like mad and the first three attempts were just confusing. *Ms. flow has been showing up when ever she feels like it, some times more like an appearance. (4-5 days) she then takes off. I hate her, she's throwing my whole body off. * Don't you love how I use term names to speak of something so personal? lol
So anyway... I think I may have gotten a positive OPK test today. I tested at 9am and then again at 2pm. Both sets of test appear to be positives but guess what? hubs is feeling under the weather today and may not be able to help me out in this most dire situation. Poor guy, poor me. If indeed I am about to 'o' then this is just horrible timing on my bodies part. I need my hubby to make this happen. Blah you ovulation and all that leads to my only hope. It seems like when you want it that bad all goes down the drain. Then when your almost avoiding it at all costs and such you get what you least expected.
Anyone else feeling obsessed with this area of life? I've found a torturous friend some know by the name Google. I ask him all my questions about ovulation, tests, ect. But in the end I'm feeling quite overwhelmed and unsure of what my body has decided to do this month. I want to have it happen but I think my stress I load onto myself is making it difficult. Anyone else finding that their need to control a situation as delicate as this, having trouble? Any suggestions? Anybody?
7 comments:
Don't worry about obsessing.... it's all part of TTC and I'm with you on planning/testing every little bit of my life. Losing a beloved child is so hard but then to have trouble TTC adds to the pain. I hope your husband feels up to it while your O'ing... timing is sometimes such a problem. With you on this tortuous TTC journey every step of the way xoxo
I completely understand! When my hubby and I decided to start TTC again, we though "heck, we got pregnant with Rosie on birth control! this wont be that hard!" So 3 months after our loss, we decided to start trying again. 9 months later NOTHING! around month 6 i started OPKs and charting my temps. The temps actually helped more than the OPKs. you see, i noticed my temps were dropping too soon, and that made me wonder if i had a problem with my hormones. sure enough, i was diagnosed with hypothyroidism, and BAM pregnant 7 weeks after i started synthroid! I only had a window of about 6 hours to get a pos OPK, and didn't even get one the month I got pregnant this time.
it is a frustrating, overwhelming journey, but in the end, it is SOOOOO worth it. Feel free to ask any questions you want....i kind of became a subject matter expert on TTC during our time!
Erin
journeyoflifeandluv.blogspot.com
Hugs to you Felicia. I wish I had some great advice but I don't. I've been in the same boat as you and the only thing I can offer is that we just have to remember that it's not on our time schedule. I know that is hard to hear when we want something so bad that it physically makes our hearts ache. It totally stinks when there seems to be no rhyme or reason. It's taken me some time but I've found other things to obsess over. I'm focusing on weight loss and work all the while hoping and praying that conception will happen. Wishing you all the best.
P.S. Thank you for the nice comment on my blog. You touched my heart.
Definitely understandable to be obsessing! You have every reason to- this is a stressful thing!
I hope that everything works out for you this cycle! You'll definitely be in my prayers.
xoxo
Felicia,
I have been thinking about you. I'm praying for you to get good news soon. I think for you to see that positive test and start to see your belly grow again will help you so much. And no, Tana Lee will never be replaced. You are simply having another baby to love along with her. Someone told me yesterday... "God doesn't send replacements, he sends reinforcements." I love that! Hold on to your hope, it will come. I promise. I'm praying for you. I hope your Hubby feels better soon and that this will be your month. I'm so sorry for all you've been through. I wish I could take away your pain.
Much Love,
Natalie Ross
By the way, check out Baby Hopes ovulation calender, it gives you the exact days to try according to your cycle. Maybe it will help along with the OPK's. Love ya.
I totally forgot to email you the link to my blog post about this exactly. here it is http://genesisbirthservices.blogspot.com/2011/04/how-to-get-pregnant.html I hope you can find some of it helpful. I know how stressful ttc can be. HUGS!
I feel your pain! It's hard when you know there's a small window of 'opportunity' and the timing isn't right. This month my husband had strep throat on the most opportune days... So disheartening! Hang in there, it will happen, hopefully sooner than later!
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