What is wrong with me? Its been nearly a year of TTC and I still fail.
This is a new emotional roller-coaster for me. I was on one for seven months and three days as my child fought for her life and then tossed into another one as I grieve for her. Now I am yet again thrown into another ride of ups and downs as I TTC. Why was it so easy to conceive TanaLee but now be so hard? At first I know it must have been my stress to blame and my eating habits and lack of patience. Well now I pretty much throw caution to the wind and hope for the best. Why is it still so hard when I've made the necessary adjustments? I've bought just about a gazillion ovulation tests to help predict...hmm....well I think its time to step it up a notch and spend a little more money on a new gadget - A Fertility Monitor. I've heard good things about these things except for the price. I'm not sure that it will be worth the money but I guess I wont know until I try it out. What do you think? Have you ever used one or know someone who has?
WARNING******This next portion is a tid bit graphic************************
For me, this life of TTC has been a gift wrapped present. One that b/c the outside shines and sparkles that the gift must be worth tearing up the wrapping paper, only to find its just grey rocks inside. Excitement then the let down....over and over again. I must admit this month of TTC has been the hardest let down for me since I had really weird symptoms. Symptoms that never occur for me during my cycle. I had strong breast tenderness, headaches, eating double my portions (this has nothing to do with the holiday food) lets see...I think my biggest ? was the fact that my nipples became puffy and displayed bumps they say is only present when you become pregnant. So with all this i was lead to believe....you MUST be pregnant....HOLY COW PIE you MUST be PREGNANT!!! But today closed that door right on my face.
*********END OF GRAPHIC TALK*********
So this is basically were I'm standing today. Up for RENT....hoping for a baby to occupy my lonely uterus. Oh crap I sound like a sad broken record....someone quick change my station. I neglect my blog so often b/c I hope to blog about something like a BIG FAT POSITIVE. I want to be able to blog about happy pregnancy updates and the latest in my happy newly pregnant life...not about how I'm hanging by a thread and wallowing in TTC drama.
LETS GIVE UM SOMETHING TO TALK ABOUT....that's what my heart sings for this blog. Pray that baby dust finds its way to me...I think it got lost in shipping....
3 comments:
Thinking of you and hoping for something exciting to enter your uterus soon. :) Keep it up!! <3
Praying for you and sending lots of positive thoughts your way. I hope it happens soon!!!!
I have used a fertility monitor successfully with five pregnancies. Though I also chart my fertility statistics each and every month. An ovulation test only tells you when you ovulate but it's also important that you then have about 10 days before your period starts to allow for implantation to occur (I found through charting that this part of my cycle was too short). Do you chart your cycles?
I apologize if I'm going with too much detail, I'm pretty type A when it comes to getting pregnant. I check your blog so often hoping you will be able to share the positive news you ache to share and I send as many positive thoughts your way as I can!!
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