November 11, 2011

Hey! I know its like I fell off a cliff or something.

Without consistent internet service up until now its been hard to blog. Lots has happened but yet I haven't found the words of what to say in a post. Here's y first shot and hope I make it back into blog kingdom if your still out there wanting to read about my goings. I unfortunately cannot announce like many of you have about a recent pregnancy or how great it is with a eight month old or even cry about the fact that in two days my daughter will be two....strange but I've cried out about those for months now....cant really say much more then that. But as I promised I'm not living in the past as far as TanaLee goes. So you wont hear me lamenting about what I've lost with her....just memories and thoughts I've had from time to time.

I kinda feel broken ....a limp noodle... a nut without its shell....a big terd left from its owner...(sorry had to put that one in there! Ha!) I'm just in that kinda mood to add the last one. Jeremy and I have been trying this whole rainbow thing out... haven't been successful either. So in turn I feel like my body is letting me down yet again. Yes I'll admit I spent at least a couple $$$ on Ovulation tests and prego tests and scanning the internet for every way to make it all happen in a snappy....I figure I'm young and my life and body is like a rubber-band, i'll snap back and it will be effortless....Ha! I was WRONG. We have been trying with every effort and still no occupancy here.

Time. Where has it gone? Well I can tell you what I've been doing with my T.I.M.E

T- TTC

I- Indulge in sugar when RED visits

M-More work, less play...gets those bills paid and keeps the hubby happy

E- Envy less and give more freely to others even those whole break my heart.

More Forwardly please... I've been working my tail off, learning that I cant have control on everything and forgiving myself and others for the mishaps in life.

I've learned a great deal about patience and what it means to wait on God. Okay....i'm trying to learn. Truth be told i'm not the most patient person/some might argue that but really...when its something I want I hate to wait....wither that be a baby or a new dresser....waiting is the game I fail at so often. That is my PROBLEM. They say that TTC should be done with no expectations and really to have FUN with IT- Beep: where do I fit in when I've suffered loss? How do I NOT turn something once a fun thing into an obsession? okay i'm done with this ya'll...bottom line, its hard to not rush emotions when you want anything bad enough.

My Sis-law is prego with her first/last, son/child. She will be expecting him next month.

My new job is taking shape nicely. I've learned a lot and am loving going to work for the first time in my life.

All in all I have been frantically trying to update myself with all of your blog posts in all that I've missed. Congrats to those of you in the past/recent months who have had good come their way, I'm so sorry to those of you who suffered in someway.

Til next time,

~Felicia