Reflection is in a mirror, four years deep

I'm so glad that I'm finally making the time to post today. Today I'm not gonna post about my daily life or my rainbow's goings or how I've been MIA for weeks at a time. 

Today I am going to reflect and thank God for a little miracle that prompted this blog to become something- a place to update and later a place to grieve and unite with others like me.

Exactly FOUR years ago as of November 13th, my daughter TanaLee made her early entrance into our world. As you might recall me saying before if you've followed me for a time you will know that she was just 25 weeks gestation. That day has drifted across my dreams and thoughts countless times. That day changed who I am and who I am going to be. 

Thinking back to everything that happened. Fast moving, no time to waste kind of day. I was watching a video that is featured today on Yahoo about a little Preemie that survived. As I watched this short film that only sheds a small light on the NICU world I became very emotional. Not just because it took me right back to the little room my daughter lived in (pod) or because my baby didn't make it to her first birthday. It made me emotional because people in today's society only get a "miracle" story projected to them. What about the thousands of stories like yours and mine that may not have ended so well. That is reality. I am so grateful for the family featured but sadly very few have this outcome. I had a rare story of a 25 weeker that made it to seven months! What about the babies that live only days or hours? When will their story come out? 

It saddens me that so many have suffered loss always with great cost financially, emotionally, physically, and even spiritually. So many of us grieve in private so that others can be comfortable. Some of us refuse to keep quiet and some of us are granted chances again to parent a child. While others still wait for their arms to be filled. 

I was out today sharing a positive message with my neighbors. One that I feel especially compassionate about since losing TanaLee. I don't often discuss religion here because this blog is about personal loss and courage it took for me to stand up and live again. I will simply add a link to the little tract that I handed out. It helps you to have a hope regardless of your religious background. If you recognize there is a God then you can appreciate the brief and comforting words that it brings out. Something for you to help you seek out scripture in your own bible that  provides purpose and peace about those we have lost. One last thing about this tract, NOTICE the illustration on the cover? It brought tears to my eyes. God is good and always feeds at the proper time. My little baby would have been four this month. The illustration depicts a grieving couple mourning a young child- perhaps a four year old. But whatever the case place your child in the frame on the wall. 

My little girl was a miracle. One that is missed beyond measure. Someone who has shaped my life everyday since her arrival and continues to be a heart beat in my chest. I love her...so deeply. I long for the day she returns to me. I am grateful for the lessons her life taught me. I am grateful to the God I choose to serve for helping me to grieve positively and comforts me when im not. Thank you to this community for standing alongside me in this crazy life changing experience.  I hope that you too gained something positive out of my daughters story. I hope that it moves you to do great things for the betterment of someone else. To show compassion and kindness to all walks of life. To be a better soul on this earth. We are all living this life- why not enjoy it with a heart wide open. Then we can see we do have purpose...we are family and in the end we stay that way in honor of what is good and right. 

Four years closer- Loving my baby and keeping the faith. Its all I have. I welcome the time that's yet to be here. I am watching my clock. All in good time- i'm waiting.